You’ve seen the headlines and the books:

"Baby Boomers and Aging Parents.”http://ezinearticles.com/?Baby-Boomers-and-Aging-Parents&id=207720

“Baby Boomers Value Caring For Aging Parents More Than Earlier Generation”http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/58056.php

“The Baby Boomer's Guide to Caring for Aging Parents,” by Bart Astor.http://www.amazon.com/Boomers-Guide-Caring-Aging-Parents/dp/0028616170

You’ve heard about the trends of aging, of how boomers are “doing it differently.” I’ll say, and maybe not for the better when it comes to dealing with parents diagnosed with dementia.

Think about it. Boomers are used to getting their own way, just by the immensity of their numbers, their high levels of education, and their staggering amounts of wealth in comparison to former generations. Boomers are used to fixing things, solving problems, and taking control of the situation.Boomers are into self improvement, fitness at all costs, and healthy lifestyles. Approaching caregiving with a loved one with dementia using elements of this mind set, however, may catapult boomers into unfamiliar territory. After all, dementia does not necessarily respond well to these dynamics.

My experience with my mother taught me that I had to shed much of my preconceptions of my value, my strength, and my agenda to be part of her world. When I tried to impose what I though needed to be done to fix the situation, or to control her, it was typically disastrous.What I learned is, if we define caregiving as facilitating our loved one’s journey, then shedding the self as we travel with our loved one is essential.I am not sure this will be an easy or recognizable task for many boomers.

I think of my sister as one of these boomers – highly educated, highly successful, and totally organic. She wanted to fight mom’s dementia with every fiber of her being. She wanted to fix my mother and she would accept nothing less than total success on her own terms. I can respect her journey.And, I think my sister experienced a lot of anger-fueled pain along the journey, just because of her boomer mentality. I, on the other hand, after months of conscious evolving, came to a comfortable resting place with my mom’s dementia, a place of acceptance, and a place where I could refashion my relationship with her. Yes, I was choosing my own terms in relating to her just like other boomers might, but mine were calculated to be harmless to my mother and very powerful for me.

Boomers are well advised, when accompanying their loved one on the final journey, to use their strength to fix themselves, to take control of their own agenda, to focus on their health, and to seek a path of self-discovery unlike any other they have ever experienced. After all, dementia is incurable and terminal.Accompanying a parent with dementia will give boomers the opportunity to shed much of what the world values, and to be naked to what might just be the most challenging time of their lives. Those able to do this will be more at peace with their caregiving journey.